Love is quite intriguing, you meet someone, strike an attraction, become great friends, fall in love, your world seem so perfect together and you become inseparable but gradually it all starts to slow down, situation gets out of control and it’s all over. Several questions will storm your mind, how did you go wrong, where did your love go, how to get your ex back, does he or she still love you, these questions are endless.
Not all relationship that ends in a breakup is meant to be abandoned. Because it’s broken doesn’t mean it cannot be fixed. If your relationship has been prematurely terminated but you believe you can still work things out then you need to work on how to get your ex back. Getting an ex back might not seem easy, it all depends on whom you are dealing with and the memories of the relationship your partner is holding on to. There isn’t much difference between how to get your ex-girlfriend back as compared to how to get your ex-boyfriend back. In this case an ex is an ex and they most likely behave or relate with you in about the same manner.
I am happy to share with you a way to get ex back that has worked and will continue to work. This approach employs a reverse methodology to how someone would usually attempt to get his/her ex back. Instinctively, you try to get your back by wooing him/her all over again. Let me share a secret with you, building a new bridge is way different from fixing a broken down bridge, same principle applies to relationships (considering relationship is the bridge) so wooing is not a viable option on how to get your ex back. I call this the directional approach, the task on getting your ex back starts from you and ends with your ex to accept or decline. It is a 5 step non-instinctive approach (especially for someone who is hurting).
Assess Yourself and the Relationship
Breakups are not always sudden, usually the person ending the relationship must have spent some time to assess happenings in the relationship before ending it, and hence breakups are usually an accumulation of not so pretty events that might have occurred in the relationship.
Whatever might have led to the breakup in the first place needs to be addressed likewise some unpleasant happenings that came up along the line. There is no point making frantic effort to get your ex back when the issues that lead to your breakup are still lingering around. Properly assess the relationship, take note of key issues there were top of your “fight list”. You don’t love me enough, you spend too much time with your friends and not me, you are lazy, you don’t take proper care of yourself, you have become complacent in this relationship, sex with you is boring, all you want is sex… these are just few of the several complaints in a relationship.
Be sincere to carry out this assessment without apportioning blame, not even to yourself. What could you have done differently? Did you love him/her enough? Do we share the same dream? Do I really want him/her back? These are just a few questions to start you up, you should have more questions for yourself.
Deal with the problems
In assessing your performance in the relationship vis-à-vis the relationship itself you must have found out some problems. Finding out the problems is a huge step towards getting your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend back but fixing is also a big part. You need to device workable steps to fixing these problems. If you think pride is your problem then you need to work on your ego, if you discovered laziness and lack of passion is what made your girlfriend walk away then maybe it’s about time you get that degree you girlfriend begged you severally to consider. Every relationship is unique so there is no one size fit all to this. What is important is taking action by working on those things that were lacking in your relationship.
Do you know 7 out of every 10 persons who walked out of a relationship still keep a close eye on their ex in the first few months of the breakup? Unless you are a psycho and your ex is on the run from you, your ex has his/her a way of knowing how you are doing and what’s happening with you. I am very sure you can bare me witness to this. You ex knows someone that knows someone that knows you. In other to achieve real success at this stage you must have done a good job at identifying problem areas of your relationship and also fixing whatever is within your power to fix.
Well, we won’t leave all the chances of reaching out to your ex in their hands alone, you will also initiate some level contact. I have heard so many times that the No Contact rule is key to getting your ex back, I wonder how you get back someone who is not within reach. No contact is not the problem but SENSIBLE and TIMELY contact. How to get your ex back by making contact is different from the way it used to be when all was rosy. Now it has to be scripted and timed. Make short notes of what you want to discuss in the course of the conversation, 3 to 4 points will do. If you don’t want to mess things up, DO NOT discuss issues about you breakup or how hurt you are, avoid emotional discussions and keep it short. The purpose of the conversation is to register you presence in your ex’s mind, that’s all.
As long as you can make you conversation casual and friendly, you begin to gain their trust and confidence again. While dating you would know what’s important to them so you can chime this in once in a while during the conversation. Some people get touched when someone remember events going on in their lives, simple things like this means a lot to them. For instance, if you call your ex and remember his/her mum’s birthday and you mention it while sending your greetings, this could be a little game changer. You need to use what you know about your ex to stay on top of the situation.
If you know how to “professionally” run into each other without seeming like a stalker, now is the time. You are more equipped not that you have worked on your flaws. I bet you your ex can spot the new you miles away.
Let Your Ex Decide
Truth is, no matter how hard you try your fate is in your ex’s hand and her or she will have to decide. Everything in life is a choice and this is not an exception. If what you have done so far on how to get your ex back has been excellently tailored following the steps stated above, you reduce to a great extent the possibility of being turned down.
How will you know your ex is responding positively to your efforts? Communication will improve, he/she will make contact with you more often, there might even be visits or dates involved. It is at this stage that you probably want to discuss your breakup or relationship and when you do make it a futuristic discussion, what’s in the past is gone look ahead.
I decided to add this part for those that might be unlucky getting their ex back. Not that you didn’t do a good job on how to get your ex back but some other circumstances might just not make it go in your favour. If this happens to you, accept fate and move on, believe me next time you fall in love you will thank you stars it never worked with your ex.
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